The Purpose of Suffering - part 1

Since Sophie died 17 months ago, I have thought a lot and read a lot about suffering, mostly from the point of view of the Christian believer, since that is what I am.

Two books that have been significant in my grief journey are "Stepping Heavenward: One Woman's journey to Godliness" by E.Prentiss, and "Desiring God" by John Piper.  

Elizabeth Payson Prentiss (Portland, Maine, 26 October 1818 – 13 August 1878) was an American author, well known for her hymn "More Love to Thee, O Christ" and the religious novel Stepping Heavenward (1869).  Read more about Elizabeth Prentiss here.  From the Wikipedia bio we learn that she was the 5th of 8 children, 2 of whom did not survive to adulthood.  Elizabeth herself bore 6 children, 2 of whom did not survive to adulthood.  This gave her real life experience for the central character in Stepping Heavenward, Katherine Mortimer.  The novel is set in the mid 1800's.  No antibiotics.  No physiological intensive care units.  Katherine believes deeply in the God of the Bible, and lives her whole life in relationship with Him.    Katherine's husband in the novel is a Doctor, and she would sometimes accompany him to visit the sick and the dying.  The take home message I got from this is that they accepted death as God's appointed time, and were not afraid to spend time with the dying person.  Katherine's father died from a blow to the head (accidental) when she was a teenager.  Her neighbour's child died from scarlet fever at age 4 (Nicole had the same infection at the same age, but she could take antibiotics for hers.)  Katherine's first child died from a microbial infection at the age of about 4.  What a heartbreaking way to live.  Believers were utterly dependent on God the Father/Son/Spirit for everything in their lives, including the lives of their children.  In our medically advanced first world society, I think I'd been living under the illusion that we are not as dependent as they were, but I have changed my view on that since Sophie's death.  Despite doing everything modern medicine told me to do in order to have a healthy pregnancy, I could not prevent Sophie's death.  Katherine reached a point in her life journey where she could say that if God should "ask" her for anymore of her children, she would be able to let go without anger, even though the death of her loved one would also hurt like blazes.

Katherine also spent several winters of her life incapacitated by illness.  Rather than viewing this as an inconvenience, she recognized it as a gift for a season, to immerse herself in God's Word, and so get to know Him better.  I remember another friend speaking in similar terms about the 2 years that she was incapacitated by Chronic Fatigue.  In our affluent western culture we are always in a rush.  Work - achieve - produce - spend.  I think that the enemy has deceived us into thinking that this is the way to joy/happiness.  IF we are forced to slow down we tend to think of it only in terms of loss of productive hours.

We also think that we don't need God because we have so much medical technology.  We think we are in complete control of our lives.  Medical technology is a wonderful gift, but are we valuing the gifts more than the Giver?  Of course it's only when we get to the point of valuing the Creator above all other things (yes, even above our spouse and children, should God grace us with them) that we find true joy.

Joy in the midst of suffering.  Enter John Piper's "Desiring God". find out more here

Piper says that suffering can be in the form of illness, accident, natural disaster, or direct hostility from another person.  Whatever the cause, suffering tempts us to doubt that God is Good.  Suffering temps us to doubt that God is sovereign.  Suffering tempts us to doubt that God is faithful, merciful, holy, unsearchably great.  Of course, Satan delights when we doubt any aspect of who God is, which is why he gets in our face when we are suffering and says things like "What sort of God would allow innocent children to suffer and die?"

John Piper says that when a Christian person holds onto the truth of who God is during suffering THEN those around can see the tremendous worth of Christ.  Why would we put up with or accept suffering if this life was all there is?  As Paul the Apostle said in 1 Corinthians 15 vs 19 "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, then we are of all men to be most pitied."

JP also says that in our sufferings we show a little of what Christ suffered in taking ALL of our sin upon him in order for us to be reconciled to God.

Our suffering does not change who God is.  It changes who WE are, or rather, it changes our understanding of who we are.

A few months ago a friend asked me how I felt I had changed since Sophie's death.  I replied that I had more patience than I'd ever had before, no question.  More patience with my own children, with my husband, with people in the carpark who steal my parking space.  It's not worth expending emotional energy getting upset about things that really don't matter in the long term.

In the last few months the patience has been overtaken by humility.  In realizing that I am not in control nearly as much as I like to think I am, I have learned to trust God more, trust my wonderful Ben more, listen more and talk less, and not express every opinion that I have, or even feel that I need to have an answer for everything.

All this musing is from my perspective as a Christian believer, and I acknowledge that many of my friends and family do not look at life from this perspective.  How do you journey through your grief and loss?  What do you take solace in?  Does it work?  What do you hold onto?  I would love to know your views.