A fellow blogger has started "Mindful Mothering Mondays", encouraging mothers blogging all over the planet to link up on a Monday. Did our parents' generation blog? No, they didn't have the technology. I also think they didn't have as much of a need to connect to other mothers in this way, as they were connected personally with their communities in a way that we are not these days. It's a bit of a novelty being a stay-at-home-mum in my circle. When there are still children under 5 in the home, it's not as uncommon, but as soon as the youngest child starts preschool, the question is asked "SO, what are you going to do with yourself now?" As if the washing does itself, the garden prunes and picks and mulches itself, the chickens feed themselves and clean up after themselves, deliver their own eggs to the kitchen.....I realize even as I am writing this that we all parent differently. I like being at home with my kids. I like their company (most of the time!) I like tending the garden, I like having chickens. The type of garden we have needs maintenance and attention. I like being involved in my kids' learning, and their lives. Other parents like to have paid work in order to pay the mortgage on the home they've chosen for their family, or to maintain a balance of parenting and remaining in the adult world. Let's face it, going to a paid job can be easier than full time parenting, especially of small children. You have the achievements of your profession, the affirmation of work colleagues and clients, and you get paid. Real money. And nobody is clinging to your legs all day complaining about the various needs of their body and soul. Or running way from you when you are trying to get them to do something they don't want to do.
Lydia's post from today about home apprenticeship reminds me of the great struggle I had in the early days of parenting, where I wished the kids would NOT try to help me do anything around the house. They made a mess and they took too long. And they didn't do it right! I'm not sure how or when I came to give up this perfectionism and allow the kids to be a part of their home and the running of it, but it sure did decrease my stress level when I let go of always having to have things my own way. Maybe part of it is giving up the ideal of having to be "supermum" with an immaculate house, well dressed and perfectly behaved children, always a tray of cookies baking in the oven, and of course having a full time career as well. We can't have it all. There aren't enough hours in the day. Nowadays our home truly is a shared place - the kids have their stuff on the walls, on the floor, on all the shelving in each room. It's their home too, not just mine. The walls are filthy with hand marks, food marks, and who-know-what-else marks. One day there'll be time to clean all those off, but today isn't it. Spending time with my kids, and allowing them to feel at home in their home is a higher priority today. It won't be too many years from now and they'll be wanting to spread their wings and move in increasingly wider circles of independence.
It's so easy for me to feel critical of other people's parenting choices, but I think we all parent the best way that we can with the resources (monetary and emotional) that we have.
Another blog of Lydias (thanks Lydia :)) that I loved recently was one in which she posed the question of whether we only blog about our best moments? For those of us who believe in God, we are generally not comfortable with complaining to God, or about God. There seems to be an attitude among many Christians that if we are unsatisfied with our lot in life that there's something the matter with our faith. We need to pray harder. Or serve more, and then everything will be OK again. We're not comfortable with the language of lament. A quick inventory of the Psalms will reveal that there is a great deal of lament. I heard a preacher say once that 2/3rds of the New Testament deals with suffering. It's real, and it's OK. God can take it. And I think being honest with God and with each other lends itself to a closer relationship. A real relationship. I am grateful for my fellow bloggers, especially on days when I cannot connect with a real person to share my mothering journey with. Thanks to all of you who are sharing your journeys with me, or simply joining me by reading mine.
